so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
