She's JV to your varsity
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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