So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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