Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
