Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
