I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
