im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
