if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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