2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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