You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
