ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
