addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You can't motorboat a personality
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
