This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have aggressive nipples.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
