It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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