I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
