You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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