Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
