That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
