my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
