I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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