brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
