That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
