I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
