are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
