I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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