I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
