you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
