So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
