Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
