Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
