Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we're making bets on your personal life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
