Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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