we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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