I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
