We're like a lot better than the average bears
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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