dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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