the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
