he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
