I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize