I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
