Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
