I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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