She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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