Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
