the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
