He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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