I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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