Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
