Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
