I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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