It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she woke up with a sticky ear
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
