Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
