how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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