I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
