Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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