youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize