Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
