Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
