You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
