LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
