What did we do last night that was yellow?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
