Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
