Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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