i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
