the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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