Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
