Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
