Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
