Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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