Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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