Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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