Just fell off a train. Bad.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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