Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
