You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
