i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
