i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
