I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
