My balls are so social today.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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